From behind me green eyes sparkle And he licks his jagged teeth Starts grabbing at my beating heart But it is kept out of his reach For my heart it is well guarded By her blood red thorny rose So back into the ethers His shadowed form does go
As I turn another corner Of my winding crooked way A little faun is following me But he’s being kept at bay For my Guardian is holding me In his huge protective arms And his silken voice keeps telling me To beware of his charms
My feet they keep on wandering Through the darkly lit woodlands Around me eyes are glistening And making hungry plans For the light that glows and shows the way Is a magnet strong and true Towards it are drawn many things That would like to hold it to
For without a light a shadow By the darkness is absorbed So the hungry eyes keep watching me And they take their shadowed form Shrieking cries I hear as music As I walk my crooked path And I find that I am singing with them And share my light of Art
So to me they start their whispering Of their secrets and of skills Of ancient deep pooled knowledge From within these hallowed hills As I work my Art I see them there Holding circles guarding ways They open up such mysteries And spread them for my gaze
But to think they are all friendly Would turn me into a feast The dinner bell would sound aloft And the hungry ones would eat So I share my light with kindred And they protect my fragile form Together we are stronger than The chasm, fire, and storm
From behind me green eyes sparkle And he licks his jagged teeth Starts grabbing at my beating heart But it is kept out of his reach For my heart it is well guarded By her blood red thorny rose So back into the ethers His shadowed form does go
Searching for answers I don’t know What the questions are When life is overwhelming me And where to head is far Directions spin like children’s toys I am the dust of stars Drifting through these endless days Spreading near and far
My heart is filled with darkness and then Sudden bursts of light My arms hold the universe I sing mist into night Across the blackened sea me myself I Sail over the moon Night may hold eternity But Dawn comes all too soon
Gather up my ponderings I Enfold them in my breath Give them to the winds of fate My uncertain quest Dancing on the swirling breeze they Travel far and wide While I await here patiently On this eternal ride
A labyrinth of endless pain Contains my question mark Wrapped in soul I feel my way Fight shadows in the dark Endless turning pulls me free from My embodied state Shattered pieces lie before my Shining three-fold gate
And when there’s nothing left but echoes In the screaming winds Deep waters swirling still From where I might have been A pile of scattered blackened ash that’s Still warm from the spark I find myself facing me Reflections in the glass
In my quest for truth and wisdom I hold Close the central part That it is the journeying Connecting mind to heart I am the brightest flame above The deepest darkest well Shining in my loving arms Myself my answers tell
Fairytales have answers My fairytales have answers
By the North
By the South
By the West
By the East
By the North-East
By the Centre
Let us pause
And take a breath here
As above
So below
To and from us
All things flow
As above
So below
To and from us
All things flow
I am here
I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am Is
Was and Shall Be
I and the Land
The Sky and Sea
I am the breath
The blood and bone
I am the spark
That sings me home
I am the Fetch
I am the Core
I am Divine
And so much more
I am the tree
Trunk roots and branches
And I stand here
Fully grounded
I am here
I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am the fire
Of the Devil
I am the ice
Of the Angel
I am the stars
That number seven
I am the sword
That strikes from Heaven
I am the Darkness
I am the Light
I am the Eyes
That watch at night
I am the face
Within the leaves
I am the Voice
Upon the breeze
I am here
I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am here
And I am now
I am here
And I am now
By the North
By the South
By the West
By the East
By the North East
By the Centre
Let us pause
And take a breath here
As above
So below
To and from us
All things flow
As above
So below
To and from us
All things flow
As my journey progressed, my Shamanic apprenticeship was completed and I found myself facing a choice of whether or not to undertake a formal initiation. This was not an initiation into any tradition but a formal dedication of myself to my path and of service to my community. This choice was not something that I took lightly. Deep heartfelt and honest reflection, meditation on what I wanted out of my journey and the Apprenticeship, and my community, and engagement with my craft were all needed. Everything depended on where I wanted to go with what I had learned from Gede’s teachings, from my workings, from my studies, and from the connections I had established through my craft. I reflected and found that this initiation was something I really needed to do.
Of course, I didn’t really think through the question of ‘what is initiation’ very much before I entered into it. I had a rough idea that I thought was fully fleshed until I actually started to go through initiation. It was nothing like what I was expecting. And it has been an amazing journey!
My initiation was a full day – from sun up to sun down. It was composed of many parts, most of which involved my reflection and connection with various different aspects of my craft, my path, and my allies over the day. Some rituals I devised on the fly, some were directed by the one who led me through the day. One involved the service of another. I connected with my ancestors, with the deities that are special to me, with my landscapes and special places, and with two very special people. Many revelations happened over the day including new beginnings. Most of this I appeared to be totally oblivious to on the day, and it was really only months afterwards when I began reflecting back that I realised how much of who I am now began on that day. Initiation is a very personal journey. No two initiations are going to be the same. And that is a wonderful thing! Something I learned from that day was that initiation may begin or be marked on a day but it continues long afterwards and just keeps on happening. I just have to be aware and willing to engage with the work as it unfolds.
In thanks to the wonderful Lisa L, who provided a special service during my day of initiation, I wrote her a song ‘Lady Raven‘. I wanted it to be as special as the service she provided so I put into it elements that are special to her. And then I gave her the song. I’ve placed it on my blog with her permission, although she was too shy to record her version of it. The picture I’ve used for the song is from the web because I don’t yet have a photograph of a raven on a grave with a lady dancing around it, but when I do I’ll change it over.
Working with Grandfather on cleansing and healing the energy lines or vibrations of the earth (the serpent Ngulla-Gulla) led me to wonder about the nature of our relationship. It seemed to be a little one sided in that I found my path to be linked to earth energy healing, I worked in the way of my ancestors and with my spirit allies, and I found it very satisfying. But what of Grandfather?
I asked him after a working whether there was anything I could do to help him and the next time we worked, he led me to a vision spot where I knew I had healing work to do. I began to feel into the land to see what was needed and found myself pulling together fragments of something that had been shattered. I pulled them together and found that they were oval rocks with squiggly lines on them and faces made up of dots and lines. There were five, including one large one in the middle and four at the quarters. When I had finished I noticed that Grandfather was crying. He said that the place had been broken by ancestors of my blood, and that they needed to be healed by those who broke them. Now he could sing them back to power.
The next time Grandfather led me to another spot that looked like an overgrown clearing in a heavily wooded place near water. I felt and began my working as per last time, but this time a skeleton emerged. As I worked flesh began to fill out the bones and then there was an angry faced man looking at me with such hate it scared me. But I could feel that my work was not done. I pulled and two more skeletons began to appear; a woman and a child. I reached out to Grandfather and asked him to help me as I was draining and they were not fully formed. He took my hand and together we helped Borong’s wife and child to emerge. The following week when I visited, Borong (who seems to be a bird man) threw a spear at me. My spirit allies protected me, including Grandfather who knocked it away with a shield of bark and gave me the spear-head.
My most recent working was very harrowing and only partly finished. Grandfather led me to a place that was partially enclosed by rock. It had designs painted on it, including handprints and something I couldn’t quite make out made up of swirling lines. Part of it was obscured so I never saw the design fully. There were two groups of people there; Europeans and Aboriginals. The Europeans were all male but the Aboriginals were a mixed group. I saw terrible things happen that I won’t go into here. I just thank my spirit allies for protecting me from the worst bits. It is a tainted place because of it. I pulled the colours that symbolised the harm – yellow for the urine; red for the blood; white for the semen and black for the death. I pulled it up like the dirt from Ngulla-Gulla and with my spirit twin’s help did a cleansing very similar to the one I do for the serpent. The colours mixed, then were filled with light and then healing energy and the healing energy was returned to the land. But it still felt tainted and I know I will need to go and do more work. It was terrible and draining but necessary.
It is my karmic debt in some ways for living and working here. Although I have no idea how much my actual ancestors were responsible for the terrible things that happened to the Aboriginal people and this land, people of my blood were and continue to be responsible. I feel like I have to do something to help the healing; to waken the sleepers and restore that which was broken where possible. Work I’m only just beginning to understand. I don’t know where it will lead and I began with work with a loving heart but this last working has made me realise how dark the work could become. I only hope that I keep my heart loving and compassionate.
Initiation after completing the Shamanic Apprenticeship required my thinking about what my service was and who I would be serving by my practice. What gifts did I bring that I could contribute to community. I thought about a lot of things leading up to my initiation, but kept coming back to land. It was in Cornwall back in 2010 that I had felt myself drawn to stone and to the vibrations of the land. Once I sat down and really thought about it, everything was drawing me to working with the land in quite specific ways. Connecting, finding serpent energy lines, and cleansing / purifying the lines and energy centres so they were healthy. Working with the spiritual guardians of the land and my own spirit allies.
I decided to make a weekly commitment to a particular place by a nearby river. There was a modern stone circle set up on one side of the river, with painted stones to commemorate the native inhabitants of this land. A mix of Aboriginal and European as it was next to a garden commemorating other groups from different places in Europe.
My first session I called on Mother and she gave me a possum skin cloak to put on to protect me (I didn’t ask from what). She said she would always be with me when I wore it, regardless of where I was, and agreed to act as intermediary between me and the local spirits of place. With me was Bob, of course, and my spirit twin: an ally I had found when working with trance into land-based vision quests, and who was tied to my ancestry or bloodline.
The circle was made up of five stones, which appeared to me to represent water, spirit, fire, air and Earth. In the centre was a young tree to one side of a circle of stones. The ritual was very simple – I brought offerings of cake (from a vegan bakery) and water, which I placed in the centre ring of stones after tracing my way around honouring the elements and guardians. And then I sat so I could be in closer contact with the earth, and opened myself to the vibrations of place. I could feel beneath a powerful energy serpent, not quite aligned with the circle. Already awake and being tended by someone, unlike other areas where the energy slept. To my eyes, the serpent was orange-red colour, which meant that it needed healing/cleansing work. But I didn’t want to act without being in contact with the guardian of the place.
Mother introduced me to an Elder, an Aboriginal male spirit, who guarded the place and who was quite wary of me. I asked if the offering was accepting, and he said it wasn’t. That I should bring bread and water.
That first time was quite awkward as I had not yet found my routine or developed a working relationship with the Elder, who I began to call Grandfather at his request (when I asked what I could call him by). There was a lot of translating going on between my allies and Grandfather to find a way that this could work. The serpent healing did not happen the first time because things were too confusing in my head and it didn’t feel like the right time. But Bob was angry with me and told me off for not doing my duty and healing the serpent when I had noticed it had needed healing. The next time was better.
For several years I spent my time honing my practices and learning new skills; mostly associated with shamanic witchcraft from my teachers, Bob and Gede. I began to understand my strengths and weaknesses, which aspects I preferred to work with and where I fitted in the scheme of things.
Most of my practice is devotional in that I foster relationships and work with various deity spirits. But I also found myself becoming involved with spirits of other varieties. I would delve down into the earthen chambers of passage tombs and climb up into new realms (in my trance work), and when out on the land, found myself continually drawn to communing with stone. Natural stone mostly, which to me often appears as a vision of an opening eye, in skin much like that of a reptile. The spirit of stone that I would speak to may be sleepy, may show me images that it was witness to or sensations it experienced or just blink and ignore me. I would see shapes and colours associated with the stone, which I came to learn was a representation of the stone’s vibration. And I saw serpents in the land.
Bob would give me the task of feeling into the landscape I was in and finding energy lines. Seeking them out, knowing where they were, and describing to him how they looked or felt to me. The lines would often appear as serpents of specific colours; green, being healthy, orange and red, being in need of purification or healing, were the main colours I would see. Sometimes blue, which would be much less dangerous and not need purification or healing.
One time at work, I wasn’t feeling very well and was open when I should have been closed. I felt a probe from below (the land on which my work place is situated is poisoned due to the former occupation the space was used for). I answered, felt my energy draining very quickly, and saw a spherical sinkhole open up around me absorbing my energy. I almost passed out. At the time, I didn’t realise what was happening or why, but it was a very good lesson for me and I learned to shield myself more effectively. I later came to understand that what happened was linked to what I do: my path. The energy was sick, and my energy was used to help to heal it. Of course, it needed more than I was able to give, but the understanding was the beginning for me of finding my path.
Sometime later, at a workshop during trance work, I found myself called by Mother, the spirit of an Aboriginal woman that I met some years previously. The trance experience held me for the duration of the work, and I found myself unable to let go until I was finished. Mother took me through a landscape I didn’t recognise to a cave near water. In the cave were oval shaped rocks. My task was to paint them with wavy lines, eyes, and a mouth, and set them in a circle. Around me in the workshop, energy was being raised. I found myself tapping into and pulling down that energy, using it to charge the painted stones, and to heal or purify the nearby land serpent and send the pulse of healing energy into the land.
It was only after this experience, which left me drained for several days, that I understood Mother was a land spirit and that I was being called to perform some healing work needed by the land itself. Discussing it with Bob I also began to understand that land energy healing work is something witches have always done; that it is in my blood and I have ancestral connections to working with land in this way.
The thing was – Mother is Australian Aborigine land spirit and my ancestry is from England, Scotland and Ireland. To my mind, initially at least, there were issues with the work as a result of this that I needed to resolve. It was more than the possibility that my ancestors were quite probably involved in activities that harmed Aboriginal people and this land. It was also the logistics of how to go about doing the work; how to apply it in a way that would be acceptable.
Upon my initiation from the Shamanic Apprenticeship I had undergone, I found my answer.
Detail from the Uffington White Horse, England 2010. Horse or Dragon?
My travels in 2010 in the landscape of my ancestors, experiencing the connection between blood and place, and the shifts within myself of how I interacted and worked with such energies led me to further studies. I had began with books; my literary studies had commenced several years before my travels and had in some ways inspired them. But my journey also fed the direction that my studies would take after my return. One of the main reasons for this was a fellow traveler, Gede Parma.
He was the spiritual adviser on a tour of the Pagan sites of West County England and Ireland held by Dragon Eye Tours in 2010, and the author of the book ‘Spirited: Taking paganism beyond the circle’ which I had read shortly before signing up for the tour. My first group pagan ceremonies were held on this tour, many led by Gede, and after my return we kept in touch. A short time later I commenced a two year apprenticeship in Shamanic Practice, led by Gede, which helped me to learn a series of techniques and practices to expand my awareness of the possibilities and how I interconnected and worked with them. My focus was on expanding my understanding of connections and embracing my nature using the cauldron of land, sky and sea. Through this I learned grounding and foundation practices, divination and spirit working practices, and practices related to the underworld and ancestors. Whilst not a tradition in and of itself, the Shamanic Apprenticeship is fed by various traditions and we were encouraged as students to adjust the teachings to our own ways of working.
The Shamanic Apprenticeship provided me with the groundwork I needed to understand my earlier experiences and encouraged me to explore connections with the landscape in which I live, which is not that of my ancestors. I will explore this in more detail in future posts.
For those who are interested, much of the techniques and practices from the Shamanic Apprenticeship are captured in two other books by Gede Parma: ‘By Land, By Sky, By Sea: Three Realms of Shamanic Witchcraft’ and Ecstatic Witchcraft: Magick, Philosophy and Trance in the Shamanic Craft’. All three books are published by Llewellyn Worldwide Publications http://www.llewellyn.com/
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