poetry – Green and Grey

Echoes from a song of Iron

Alien
This feeling
Of otherness
Separateness
Being torn
From some
Memory
Of union
Oneness
That was once
But is no more
It burns
To touch this
Stuff
That houses my
True Self
Such ugly layers
Thingness
Heavy
Dull
Each movement
Awkward
Uncomfortable
Unclean
This messiness
Is not me
It is my prison
Nothing more
The flow
So beautiful
Enticing
Haunting
Laughing at my
Misery
Thickness clogging
Solid
Hard
Nothing flows
Anymore
Except in the
Heart of my mind’s
Eye
In that space
I remember
Re Member
Myself
Back to the
Nothingness
The void that is
All
Centre
Everything
In that space
Between breath
And death
I am somehow
Whole
Myself
In all my splendour
Only here am I
Truly me
Everything else is
The half-remembered
Dream
Of One who once
Was starlight
And infinite

Dinner Mug

A challenge

It’s old cracked and worn
From the love that it’s seen
In the light you can still see a trace

At the back of our cupboard
It sits alone and unwashed
Ol’ shadowed time capturing a face

The only thing I have left
To remember you by
And looking at it now sadness drips

Opportunities lost
Hidden words left unsaid
Heart like ropes over which I still trip

They don’t understand why
It still sits on that shelf
Keep telling me to get something new

That while it still sits there
It’s like you’re still around
Their heads are thick, words just don’t get through

In the morning I sit
Tell you how well I slept
The trivial things you never heard

And for a brief moment
Twirling feathers in air
I lift off from the ground like a bird

Things will change, I know that
I’m not fooling myself
Gripping tight till it tears me apart

I’ll look at the cupboard
And just see an old mug
Not time mending pieces of my heart

The Moon is So Pretty

For Hyunjin

Staring up at the moon
Light reaching out
Pulsing

Like the blood
In my
Veins

Life’s river

Making its way
Over
And through
Till it reaches home

Sometimes shadowed
Or tinged blood red
Surrounded by darkness

Is it the same moon
That you see?

You know it’s that
Darkness
That makes the moon
Shine
So brightly

You are my moon

So far away
And yet so close
I could
Almost
Reach up and
Touch
Your face

Bringing such joy
Just by being
you

Even in darkness
Your light
Helps me find my
Heart
Like a lantern
I hold it up and
Find my way

If I’m the moon
Then it’s the moon by day
Hidden by light
Surrounded by the bright

Noone sees me there
Barely visible
Do I even care
As long as I
Can be me?
In all my me-ness?

Shadows all around
Making stupid noises
Stubbing my toe
Knowing that
I still shine
Regardless

Maybe someone
Looks up
Sees me
Like I see you

I look at its brightness
And shine
Borrowing its light
Matching it with mine

The moon is so pretty

Poem – The Moon is so Pretty

Waterfall

I was wandering through the woods on a day
When the sun and the moon shared the sky
As the clouds and the shadows told the sun stay away
My head was stuck on the question of why
So I stopped by a clump of pine trees to think
And around me they came on the breeze in a blink

There were at least four or five so fair and so tall
That I thought I was somehow in a dream
They were both here and there held in both light and shade
And yet still somewhere quite in between
Then one took their hand and drew a long line of light
In the air what was day held a doorway made of night

I knew somehow that if I followed them through
I would breathe no more beneath this sun and moon
And I traced my life as it was from my birth
And I found I did not want to die this soon
Their laughter rang like music through the trees
And it was so sweet it was surely done to please

One stepped through the doorway from night into day
And their gaze stabbed me right behind my eyes
Their face shone in a way that held me in fear
Like they could see me through my everyday disguise
Then they reached through my chest and grabbed hold of my heart
And they read my true name the one I’ve held right from the start

So I found myself crying out deep in pain
As if they poked a wound that never really heals
And it seemed to me that they felt the same
Yet their eyes told me they would never yield
So I found myself turn and start to run
As I needed my skin to feel the warmth of the sun

From that moment on my life was contained
Like I was held within a magic crystal ball
And no matter where I ran or what delight I craved
It seemed that I was surrounded by a wall
Its shadow cast me deep into the dark
It bled me out like a blade right through my heart

While at night I was haunted by their shining face
Though distorted and twisted and unreal
Their slender fingers reach like daggers of bone
Through my flesh around my heart I could feel
Till I awoke one day and realized that no more
Could I turn my back I could never close that door

Once again I wandered deep into the woods
Waiting for the day the sky held sun and moon
And I began working at a hole in that wall
So that I could squeeze through it sometime soon
And then maybe I could travel deep into the night
Through a door in the air with its edges made of light

And deep into the river of life I would plunge
To be held by its ever-loving arms
Until it takes me away high into the hills
Where the rainbow of light and water charms
This time when they come I will be ready for the sight
Cause their call to my heart makes it shatter with delight

With their hand in mine I will at last find my rest
Cause their fate and mine are both entwined
And when I look with wonder once again into that face
I will notice that it is the same as mine
I’m not talking about the one that’s flesh and bone
But the silver song that we both will know as home

Cause our souls are cords of shining silver light
That weave around each other like two snakes
No matter how many lives we travel through
Our hearts will reach across to ease the ache
Though towards the rocks we are hurled every time
Like a waterfall we dance through the divine

Click to listen to the song version

Watch the video of the Poetry version (below)

About the song

One Path Forked

For my Fetch, my Soul, my Twin

Home
That which holds me
Seeps into my bones
And through my hair
My stoney heart
Is His
My eyes
Windows into His soul
My body
Shaped by Him
To walk His path
We are one
He and I
Entwined
Like serpents
That somehow merge
Becoming the same
Two sides
Yet
When you trace them
You find
They are one
One path
Forked
Rejoining
He is my home
And I am His
Fate and Fire
Fetch and Soul
Eternal
Yet embodied
We
Are me

I am Blessed

Written during a WildWood Art Date

My Blood is Ara’s Divine spark
It leads from my veins to my thorny heart

My Breath is Grandfather calling me home
Pulling that from without to be in my bones

My Eye is Weaver’s knowing gaze
Bringing perception through the haze

My Heart is Our Lady’s loving hands
Shaping my Art, fearsome and grand

My Being is our Prince’s dancing heartbeat
Moving from my hands and through my feet

All together I am me
The best myself that I can be

I move in this world
And through the next

I’m a WildWood Witch and
I am blessed.

Sometime After the Equinox

Sometime after the Equinox
On the dark of the moon
Like a serpent released from the Egg
I’ll say farewell to you
The container that held me
When I was too small
Not yet fully aware
When I needed something
You were just there
And you held me
Nourished me in ways that
I am yet to fully understand
This world you formed for me
Will fall away as I embrace
The enormity that exists outside
Your smooth walls

The cracks that formed
While I was still inside
Frightened me beyond measure
What was this space
That existed beyond everything I knew
It was too much to fathom
And I pulled myself in
Made myself smaller
While I wondered
And dreamed
Became curious

The cracks became broader
I began to see shapes
And colours
Light and shadow beckoned
So I pressed one eye
Towards the crack
And dared to look beyond

That’s when I felt it
The crushing weight of being restrained
Of limitations that prevent me
From stretching to my full size
Such potential disguised
Hidden from me by your embrace
I feel the urge to expand
Press against the edges of this
Tiny world that once
Was so large
Was my everything
The cracks become holes
And I can reach into the beyond

The smells entice me onwards
I crack these walls further
Wriggle to escape my confines
Feel the coolness of
Air moving against my skin
As I expand out

My form delights me
It is so much larger than the
World I emerged from
I begin to wonder how I ever fitted
In such a tiny space
Begin to smash it into
Ever smaller pieces as I
Move outwards
Take in my new surroundings
Feel the wonder and enchantment
Of this new world
So large around me

For a moment I ache
To be held like before
But those days are gone now
The wonder becomes something
Too large
Frightening
There are eyes everywhere
Some like mine
Some not
I try to pull back into my old world
But it’s too late now
There is no going back

And I realise
That I haven’t left it behind at all
That old comfortable world
It’s held somewhere within me now
There for me to grasp at
To hold onto when I’m lost
When everything is just too much
So many overwhelming sensations
Too many for my small form to take in
I curl around it
Afraid to let it go
Afraid to take it with me

Light dances before me
Shining and sparking on some surface that
Becomes soft when I touch it
Surrounds me
I move and am held
Things change around me
Light becomes darkness
Then light again

I find myself leaving the
Softness and venturing onto something rough
I recoil and move around it
Through something that has
A different kind of softness
Of holding
I rise up and look back at that place
I emerged from
Growing ever confident
As I move on my own
Carrying my world within me

It’s edges are still cracked
And I begin to bleed inside
This pain deep within
I lash out at
But it’s beyond my reach
I scream and rage
As the sharp edges of my old world
Cut ever deeper
Gouge into me

And I wonder how something
That once was so comforting
Can hurt so much
Never abating with its
Hunger
Eating into me
Until I cannot carry it within me anymore
It’s too painful
Too harmful

The thought of release brings me a new comfort
And I realise that I no longer need
That old world anymore
It no longer nourishes me.
My new world has within it
Everything I need

So sometime after the Equinox
On the Dark of the moon
I will say farewell to you
My old world
As I fully embrace the new
And my place within it
Face the fear and pain
Because I know I can withstand it
For I am my own world now

Amble in the woods: a fragment

Voices singing in the night
Come closer
Come nearer
Come here

Sound of them singing is pure delight
Come closer
Come nearer
Come here

Step into their bower of rainbow delight
Come closer
Come nearer
Come here

Shrieks of pleasure turn to screams of fright
Come closer
Come nearer
Come here

Bleaching bones in the morning light
Come closer
Come nearer
Come here

Serenade

There’s confusion in my eyes
My heart’s wearing a disguise
As I sit and stare
Into thin air

The screen is off yet I still rage
About some bitch from some fiction’s page
Her pimpled head I’d love to squash
Or flay her skin till it strips right off

My hands bend into a claw
I start to hunch and clench my jaw
Then like a whirlpool
It turns in and my rage cools

And I realise that
The one I spat poison at
Is just a reflection of me
And the parts I don’t want to see

Hate turns in and I curse my form
Wonder why I can’t be more like the norm
And not some misogynistic prick
Who can’t reach out ‘cause their skin’s too thick

And I turn to stone
So much better off alone
Away from people anyway
I prefer Spirits any day

So I turn and ask him why
‘To return to me’ is his reply
His eyes are large and his smile strange
And if I could just rearrange

Yet he feels like I’ve come home
His reaching hand so much like my own
Glowing heart all aflame
And he knows my secret name

As our fingers intertwine
Mine in his and his in mine
Something shifts and is not the same
Somehow I am me again

Reclaiming my Hand

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
I used to wonder
Why I never allowed myself
To get drunk
Now I know

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
Always wondering why
Never knowing
Hating hospitals
Avoiding surgery

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
Saying you were just
Following orders
Isn’t good enough
Hypocrisy sticks

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
How long was it
Before one of you
Had the Nerve
To take a stand?

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
Each digit is mine
To command
May they rot off your bones
Blacken your name

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
Violation
Is not just a word
Meant for someone
Awake or aware

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
Silence is not Golden
Your voice wilts
It holds no power here
Not anymore

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
I am not some lesson
A text book
Written in flesh
Blood and bone

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
My fingers
Pressing your bones
Tearing your flesh
While you sleep unaware

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
My hand around your throat
Strangling your thoughts
Pressing on your
Peace of mind

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?
The panic as you try to wake
Ease yourself from fear
But don’t worry
I’ll be back tomorrow

Fingers in
Pressing down
Can you feel it?

About this poem