Shadowself – Page 5 – Green and Grey

Renewed Focus

I have recently discovered
Quite to my surprise
That I actually enjoy
Teaching
I’ve no idea of
How well I teach
Quite badly I expect
Because I’m a
Novice
With little training
And one student
Who is extraordinarily
Polite
And I have a wonderfully
Informed co-teacher who
Is supportive and skilled
And occasionally
Absent
So I have to stand up
And make myself
Lead
But having to be strong
To find a way of
Communicating
Key themes and skills
That tie into a central
Body of work
Has consequences
In other areas
Of my life
I begin to lead in
Other spaces
To think more about
How something is and
Why something is
Not that it is
Full stop
Nothing more to see here
Move along
I am finding that I now
Speak up
When I have an opinion
Or a question and
Don’t
Blindly follow
Or meekly dictate
Other people’s
Words
And actions
Teaching has forced me
To think about my own
Values
And beliefs
Strengths
And weaknesses
It has brought into
Focus
My place in the
Bigger picture
Like zooming out on
Google Maps
To get a view of where
One thing is in the context
Of something else
Then zooming back
Enlarging my small piece
And theirs
Finding connecting roads
Or paths
And augmenting them
With poetic landscapes
That might entice
Others
To venture out
So I can understand
Better
How to reach them
And how they
Reach me

Adrift

So there I was
Nodding in the background
Not quite awake and yet
Not really asleep either
And I suddenly realised
That I had totally
Missed
Something very important
She was talking and
I wasn’t really listening
But I was nodding,
Which is important.
And her face was absorbed
Totally
In what she was saying
Every emotion sliding across it
Like a huge cinema screen
So large that I wasn’t
Listening
And some part of me
Must have tuned in
Because it hit me that
She had said
Something
That I needed to hear
Crucial words that
Meant so much
And me being a total idiot
Was thinking about
Watching TV
And that book I was reading
Or what I might be doing later
Don’t remember
Not important
Focusing on myself
As usual
And not giving her the
Respect
She deserved and thought
She had
With me
That I was someone
Who listened and was
Interested
In what she thought
And how she felt
And I kind of was
Only
Not at that moment
She was speaking
So much
And it was going on for
So long
That I just
Drifted
For a moment
Not long but
Long enough
I looked at her
Full of regret and
Trying
To correct my mistake to
Take back
My inattention
What?
I said
Which was a
Stupid thing
To say
She turned
Looked at me
Then looked
Away
And stopped
Speaking
And that was
When we
Drifted
Apart

Long Lost Gypsy Soul

I have lost myself
Somewhere in the scheme
Of daily doing
Being what others need
Taking my place
In the chain of commerce
That part of me
Which has passion
And life
Wandered off
Left this shell behind
No long silver cord
So show where they went
Just an empty ache
Of where they have been
And I wonder
Occasionally
When I can be bothered
To stir myself to stop
When they left
What was it that caused them
To travel a different path
One that was
So different from this
Black sucking pit
Wrapped in self loathing
And I remember the promise
Of sunshine and rainbows
The touch of waves against
My hand as it dangled
Deep in the moment of being
Seeing such wonders
At every corner
Sparkles in the eyes
Of the crooked dirty
Street beggars
As they smiled
And dreamed
My wonder led to determination
To seek out that
Long lost gypsy soul
That haunts some orange sky
As the sun hangs low
And lights up everything
It touches
Even me